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Mon, 31 May 2010
I love Alfred Noyes and Eugene Field, two of my most favourite poets, I just came across this again it was in Goblins Delight. Enjoy. Dodie xxx

Now back to reality

 I found this funny poem in a magazine from many years ago, I seem to
think  it was by Alfred NoyesAlfred Noyes, one of my favourite poet's.
I hope you like it.

Alfred Noyes was born on September 16, 1880, in Wolverhampton, England to Alfred and Amelia Adams Noyes. His father, a grocer and a teacher, taught Noyes Latin and Greek. Noyes attended Exeter College, Oxford, but left before he earned a degree. At the age of twenty-one he published his first collection of poems, The Loom Years (1902), which received praise from respected poets such as William Butler Yeats and George Meredith

The Man who Discovered the use of a Chair

The man who discovered the use of a chair,
Odds, bobs              
                                           What a wonderful man!
He used to sit down on it, tearing his hair,
Till he thought of a highly original plan.

For years he had sat on a chair, like you,
Quite still!
                                                 But his looks were grim
For he wished to be famous (as great men do)
And nobody ever would listen to him.

Now he went one night to a dinner of state
hear! hear!
                                                       in the proud Guildhall!
And he sat on his chair, and he ate from a plate;
But nobody heard his opinions at all;

There was ten fat aldermen down for a speech,
(Grouse! Grouse!
                                                        What a dreary bird!)
 With five fair minutes alloted to each,
But never a moment for him to be heard.

But, each being ready to talk, I suppose,
Order! Order!
                                                   They cried, for the Chair!
And, much to the wonder, our friend arose
And fastened his eye on the Mayor.

"We have come," he said, "to the fourteenth course!
High time,
                                                            for the Chair,"
he said.
Then, with both hands, and with all of his force,
He hurled his chair at the Lord Mayor's head.

It missed that head by the width of a hair.
Gee whizz!
                                                     What a horrible squeak1
But it crashed through the bay window there
And smashed a bus into Wednesday week.

And the very next day, in the decorous Times,
(Great Gun!
                                                                 How the headlines ran!)
In spite of the kings and the wars and the crimes,
There were five full colomns about that man.


Oh if you get dizzy when authors write
(My stars!
                                                      And you very well may!)
That white is black and that black is white,
You should sit, quite still, in your chair and say:

It is easy enough to be famous now,
(Puff! puff!
                                                              How the trumpets blare!)
Provided of course, that you don't care how,
Like the man who discovered the use of a chair.

Posted 17:01

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